I Just Got On My High Horse, And I Want to Learn Arabic

I Just Got On My High Horse, And I Want to Learn Arabic

[it's long. i got shit to say. and when you're a white person who's actually legit never been a racist, it's lonely, people hate you on all sides, don't care what you have to say. so i just keep speaking louder and louder, knowing that barely anyone's paying attention.]

now that all that marching is done,
i didn't march anywhere,
i'm just going to keep doing what i've been doing my whole damn life
who cares that all those pages have been deleted from the white house website
i didn't even know they existed in the first place
maybe you'll say that's my privilege
i won't challenge you
but ypsilanti's photos of crowds gathering in protest
were filled with white people
and a few people of color
michigan avenue, the train tracks, 94
separate black from white
just like all over the country
i live in the township
those lines don't divide quite so expertly
i'm not exactly swimming in Black friends
but i'm not exactly swimming in friends, i'm a loner, dottie, a rebel
my streets, i own the corner, have Black, Brown, and white residents
it's a working class neighborhood
i can have a yard full of compost spots that sometimes make it look trashy
and my next door neighbors can dig up their yard in the fall and leave it like that
and they can have a party and leave it like that
and we're like, hey, what's up! 
it's cool
i like it
and my other neighbor can play his loud as fuck band
and i'm like, hey dude, i like your music
who cares that all those pages have been deleted from the white house website
why do you need a page on the white house website
why do you need a president
build up your life so that you don't even need to give a shit
being a Black man makes that different
because you can't stop the cops from beating and killing you
being a Black woman makes that different
because you can't stop the cops from beating and killing you
i still don't know what to do about that
my eyes, my camera on the cop, will not stop Sandra Bland from being murdered in the car on the way to the jail
Black people in my town
live on the "south" side of my town
people refer to it as the dangerous you don't want to live there you don't want your kids to go to school there
side of my town
fuck em
why do you need a page on the white house website
i don't give a fuck if you want one
waste your time worrying about it
i'm not going to
i don't give a fuck about the white house website
i live for my children
and that is it
i live to make the world safe for them
they are white men
they are white boys
they are white men
i see those women marching
some men were there
but all i kept thinking is
why the fuck isn't it a white man's march on washington protesting exactly what the women are protesting
why the fuck aren't white men stepping the fuck up
you might think you suffer, white man
but all you suffer is your own stupid depression
shut up you fucking baby
you're white and you're a man
you don't know what oppression is
fuck you you fucking baby
fix your fucking depression
because no one else should be doing it for you
you're an adult
your parents fucked you up
and then tell you you're an asshole
so the fuck what
i'm not crying for you
you're an adult now
you're responsible for yourself
too god damn bad your parents fucked you up
you're responsible now
fix yourself
so you can fix the world
you have no clue what oppression is like
people who look just like you and me
fucked this shit up
but people who look just like you fucked it up more
dude
i work at a coffeeshop
i work with a bunch of divas who have absolutely no reason to be divas
i watch a man, he's not a white man, but it doesn't really matter in this situation
i watch a man, who knows a lot less about coffee than i do
we're both pretty new at the shop
get praised
get loved
get flirted with
get adored
while i dance circles around him at work, he's a service industry beginner, i'm not
and i get judged
i get treated rudely
i get ordered around
by my co-workers
while he gets loved
men have no fucking clue how much men and women judge women, i've seen all this shit before, down at the whole foods when i used to run a produce department down at the whole foods
it's bullshit
i'm pissed
i don't give a fuck how pissed you are if you're a man
now if you're a woman of color
fuck
that shit fucks you up from birth
if i ever get so basic as to say "i'm sorry"
you can fucking shoot me down
in the back
in the face
whatever you want
i'm sorry is laughable
i'm fixing shit
i've been fixing shit
maybe you can't see it
but i sure as fuck can
cause i've been doing it my whole damn life
which is why i can say i've never been a racist
i thought i had to prove that to you
but it doesn't matter what you think
proving myself to anyone
is just an obvious sign
that i'm a chick with daddy issues
i don't got no fucking daddy issues anymore
because i know that i don't have anything to prove
i know myself
that's all i need
i've got white female "friends" telling me in private that they've been blatant racists
and now they're trying to change
and now they're marching
smiling
feeling so good about themselves
grinning ear to ear
i'm sitting here
i'm working here
knowing i'm on the right track
because i've never been a fucking racist
i've spent my whole life fighting this shit
and i don't give a fuck if it's not how you think it should be done
because it's my fucking life
and i've got kids to think about
so while the racist white people who are sorry enough to teach their kids
their KIDS
to film the cops, to get involved when cops are around
their KIDS
who have no idea how to handle basic life situations
i'm not sorry for my actions
i don't have racist actions to be sorry for
i don't answer to you
i don't answer to him
i don't answer to her
i don't answer to them
i only answer to my three children, and actually, i don't answer to them, they answer to me, but i'm here for them
are you one of them?
pretty sure not
you can tell me to get the fuck off my high horse
but i just got on my high horse
so i can tell you to fuck off
because i'm me
and i'm the most important person in my life
because if i'm not good
then i can't do shit for my kids


 

shit i'm grateful for

shit i'm grateful for

goddess durga is the mother of the universe

goddess durga is the mother of the universe