Everything I Do Is Intense. Fuck.

Everything I Do Is Intense. Fuck.

My application for a man:

I swear a lot. I swear like a mom.

I'm a mom.

I've been single for a year, god damnit. No nothing. For a year. It didn't start out as any type of plan, but it's turned into a toxic behavior killing year. External and internal. I'm in relatively good working order. If you are not familiar with Dan Savage, please do not accept my application. 

I am learning how to be a farmer and sweated out a lot of toxins this summer in the fields. I let go of their corresponding behaviors. It was hard work. I have since realized that I defined myself by my toxicity because now I don't really know who I am and I'm trying to be cool about it. I feel more masculine than most women I've known. That's as far as I've gotten because every day is new.

I can now say, that by the end of my life, I will be an offering to the earth. 

Not only have I pruned and trimmed my own person into something I would be proud to present to a man good enough to be with me, my social circles have been cleaned up, as well. My friends will treat you well. They will not flirt with you. They will not assume yr bad because yr a dude. They will know that I chose you well because I chose them well and everything will be cool. 

I do yoga. I dance. I listen to a lot of music. I try to drink all the espresso. I am a solitary witch and I practice witchcraft. If that is scary, please don't come any closer.

I'm a writer and I want to make a living being a writer.

Aisha. Fredara. Stephanie. Tearri. Mellonee. Portia. Nya. Terri. Scheherazade. Donna. Jennifer. Jo Ann. Lupe. Danielle. Tricia. Opal. Justine. These are the names of Black and Brown women who have been my friends in my life. I call them all friends even though some of them I only knew for a short time, or they are mentors more than friends, or I just met them. Black Lives Matter is at the forefront of what I do in life because this is baseline. If you're not down with Black Lives Matter, then you are part of the petri dish that is most people, definitely almost all white people. 

I don't think I should have to explain that.

I'm dark spirited, or dark minded. I think this petri dish is growing so that when the extra terrestrials who want to experiment on people arrive on earth, they will have a big enough group to choose from. I'm trying super hard to not be part of that group. I think about weird shit and I will talk to you about it. So if you like weird shit and if you like to talk about weird shit sometimes, maybe you might want to consider my application.

I am an introvert, but that seems to mean something different to everyone, so I lose energy talking to people and I gain energy by being silent and alone. I still like to talk and be social and be a loud goofball. Just not at all times. I don't have a schedule for my shit. I probably don't have many answers to your questions about this. Although, I'll do my best.

I treat assholes with assholery. I am not an asshole to people I love anymore. I've figured out how to direct my anger at the correct targets and reserve my love and kindness for the correct targets. I just need practice. Because I'm still too nice to the wrong people.

And as you can see by the title, I am not casual.

In a time when more and more white people feel like they can talk and be Black and they are trying to be Black as an ally tactic (But, if you're an accomplice, I'm pretty sure you can't talk Black like fucking ever, I want to be an accomplice, that means I can't even say "miss me with that shit," Fuck! I love that fucking expression.), I interrogate that shit like I'm the fucking cops. Because I can.

So far. Most of the time.

I keep wishing for a white person who can actually approach me and legit challenge any of my ideas about racism or sexism and how to fight it. I welcome that shit and still, all I do is shut it down. I said to myself a while ago, I want to be the mayor of ypsilanti without being the mayor of ypsilanti.

I try hard not to be arrogant and just be confident. The boundary is sometimes confusing. I meditate a lot.

Regarding boundaries. Women are raised much differently than men, and white men in particular are usually allowed to do whatever they want and not respect anyone's boundaries. You must respect boundaries because I plan on having very few. I won't puncture your boundaries, but as a man, you must overcompensate for this boundary awareness. And I don't know what that means for you because I'm not a man, so I feel like it's on you to figure it out. 

Anyone should love anyone. I have loved four Black and Brown men in my life. I do not think it is wise for me to date a man of color anymore because I do not want to meet a woman of color who looks at me like, why did you have to take one of our men? I place women of color on pedestals because they suffer sexism and racism, and no one else does.

I have children and they come first and there will never ever even be a feeling where I have to think there might be a choice. Because you're not a child.

I do a lot of things my own way and know when to ask questions. Ask my friends. I'm a writer and I just submitted my application for social activist, so my written and sometimes spoken voice is extremely political. It's abrasive and I don't always listen to feedback. 

But sometimes I listen hard.

I'm fucking insane in love with Detroit and I see it as the beginning of revolution because of the isolation, strength from struggle, music and culture, machinery intelligence, and renegade framework to almost everything, including municipal government structures. It looks like a lost city, but it's a great Black city full of young leaders who could change the world because they grew up with Black progressive music and computer music and that stuff changes your brain.

I like 90s r&b a lot.

This is what I listened to before I hit save & publish. Take what you want from the lyrics. I didn't write the song.

 

 

 

Of Your Racist Bullshit, White People, Because I Don't Want To Piss Off Aisha

Of Your Racist Bullshit, White People, Because I Don't Want To Piss Off Aisha

Family Meal;                               or                                              No Dakota Access Pipeline

Family Meal; or No Dakota Access Pipeline